Helping children deal with trauma, loss

Tragedy became a reality this week when Mt. Carmel and its cult members died in flames. During the long siege we had met with groups in our community to prepare for various outcomes, always hoping for a non-violent ending. When the fire destroyed the compound in a matter of minutes, numerous requests for psychological help poured forth.

The deepest concern of many individuals was for the children who died in the fire and for the best way for parents to help children understand and cope with their feelings.

Pro-active planning for the culmination of this event included meetings with civic groups, mental health professionals and school counselors. We had rehearsed various scenarios and reviewed our training and experience in dealing with trauma and disaster.

These are some suggestions parents and adults may use to help children deal with this tragedy.

• First and foremost, encourage the children to express their feelings and emotions. Helping them do so as soon as possible after the disaster occurs is helpful. Reassure children that emotions such as fear, bewilderment, and sadness are "normal" and very acceptable reactions.

• Explain to the children the known facts about the disaster and attempt to help them understand at their own level of understanding what happened.

• Reassure the children of your love, care and concern for them and the security provided by their parents and home.

• Attempt to maintain a routine, calm and predictable set of circumstances in the household in your household.

• Remember, a child's response to a disaster is often the mirror of the parent's response. Parents who display a lack of ability to cope with disaster situations often encourage their children to do the same.

• Be sure that the child gets plenty of sleep, proper nutrition and discourage too much focus on media portrayal of the disaster.

• Sometimes children can be encouraged to display and ventilate their feelings through such mediums as art, toys, and dramatization. This catharsis helps "get their feelings out" instead of repressing and withholding these emotions.

• School counselors who see a large number of children can listen to them and can reassure them that adults are there for their security and protection. In the aftermath of a tragedy, children should have a normal everyday structure. Schools are a place where an established routine can be continued.

Anger, sadness and fear are all possible emotions that parents and other adults may expect from children in the aftermath of a disaster. These children may begin to experience sleep difficulties, have difficulty in concentration. Their appetite may change and they may show a lack of interest in things that normally gave them pleasure. Other problem behaviors such as bed wetting, fear of being away from parents and an increased frequency of somatic problems such as stomach aches are sometimes seen. Children who were closely associated with a disaster may be more severely affected. Other factors, such as a child's past experience with traumatic events, can greatly influence the way the child responds.

Remember, the tincture of time is one of the most helpful elements in dealing with grief and loss. Don't attempt to rush your child through or to encourage premature "closure." Talking with the child, letting the child express his or her feelings is necessary. Seek professional help if problems persist.

Copyright c 1993 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.