Holidays often include a big dose of stress

The holiday season is a time when most people eagerly anticipate the chance to be with relatives and friends, to enjoy good food, exchange gifts and renew old acquaintances. Carols are intended to inspire happy and optimistic feelings along with “Good will to men.”

Children enjoy the mystery of Santa Claus and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Adolescents look forward to fun gatherings with peers, the opportunity to stay up late and the relief from school pressures.

The holiday time between Thanksgiving and New Years is unique in many ways.

• Contrasts in behavior patterns – with Thanksgiving on Thursday, many people take off on Friday and have a four day weekend. When Christmas and New Years falls during the week, another set of changes from usual work schedules occurs. During these same times, students are also out of school, often creating a need to modify family behavior patterns. Families with both parents working must make adjustments. Many individuals actually thrive on routine and are under stress when change occurs. The contrast between the routine/predictable and the less structured/more flexible is more apparent during the holidays.

• Contrasts in spending and giving patterns - On Christmas morning the neighbor’s child pulls up in your yard on his brand new expensive bicycle. The envy and jealousy on your own child’s face is obvious as he stares out the window. Later, as the combined family’s open gifts, your sister-in-law draws many oohs and ahh’s as she opens her exquisite diamond watch. Her sister, your wife, does her best to seem pleased but secretly experiences the have’s and have not’s. The contrasts brought on by patterns of spending and giving are never so apparent and potentially stressful as during the holidays.

• Contrasts between unrealistic expectations and everyday realities – Hours of searching finally yielded the perfect Christmas tree. More effort (and dollars) spent on decorations moved the house further toward what would have qualified as a Better Homes and Gardens winner. The presents were all carefully selected and beautifully wrapped. With the smells of a turkey, pies and apple cider and the sounds of I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas the home was filled with the holiday spirit.

The first hint of imperfection came when the plumbing stopped up just prior to the guest’s arrival. The belligerent behavior of one of the relatives who had arrived slightly inebriated gave further rise to a potentially flawed gathering. Finally, an over cooked turkey, a fatigued and disappointed hostess and a very whiney grandchild created the contrast between lofty expectations and stark, everyday reality. The gathering turned out to be a stressful event for those expecting too much perfection from the holidays.

Seeking balance and a healthy perspective can make the holidays pleasant memories and positive learning experiences. Try to think of holidays in terms of opportunity and challenge rather than need to be excessive and perfectionistic.


Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2000