I’m a Chronic Liar and Want to Change

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

I have been a chronic liar for many years and would sincerely like to change. My lying started as a child when I lied to my father in order to avoid getting whipped.

My father was an alcoholic and very abusive, and as a result I feared him a lot. As I grew older it seemed much easier to lie to keep people happy.

At this point, I guess you could say that lying just became a way of life for me. I really believed that is was easier to lie than to tell the truth.

As years passed, lying has ruined my relationships with other people because they can’t trust me. What can you tell me about people like me?

-Tired of lying

Dear Tired:

Many people simply see lying as a means to an end. These people want something or simply think that they need something.

Fact mixes with fiction, rules are broken, and someone ends up lying. Often, like a house of cards, the lies build upon themselves until their sheer weight finally causes a collapse.

Sorting out the truth becomes difficult to do and sometimes it’s “just easier” to keep a lie going.

Other people lie out of fear. People may lie to avoid punishment, to save their self-image, or to hide from their insecurities.

Although lying once is not compulsive lying, a pattern of lies becomes like a sticky spider web.

At some point, it becomes apparent that it would have been easier for the liar to have told the truth rather than to have lied in the first place.

Some professionals refer to compulsive lying as lying by reflex. Even when confronted with the truth, the liar insists that the lie is the truth. Pathological or compulsive lying is felt by some authorities to be an impulse control problem. Lying becomes then a matter of control or lack thereof.

Individuals with certain personality disorders such as anti-social, borderline, narcissistic and histrionic are often identified as being more likely to lie.

People brought up in chaos, unhappiness, and chronic stress are more prone to lie in order to try to make life more tolerable. For them, lying can be seen as a coping strategy. Lies are often the basis for communication in families burdened with substance abuse and/or domestic violence.

Overcoming compulsive lying requires a great deal of hard work, and often professional assistance. Don’t give up your goal of changing.