Listening to your child

At all stages of child development from toddler to teenager, children can be taught to work through their problems if they have a good listener who will allow them to express their feelings. In today’s busy society, parents often find they are too busy to listen to their children and instead take control of every situation while trying to fix the problem that leaves the child in a passive state of acceptance. Teaching your child that feelings should be expressed is very important in a child’s development.

Some of the following listening strategies may help parents bridge the communication gap that often exists between parent and child.

• Let the child talk. Allow the child to process his or her thoughts and reach conclusions. Create a climate in which your child feels comfortable. Non-verbal cues send messages to a child. Relax, listen to the complete message, and avoid forming a response prematurely.

• Set aside time each day to give your child undivided attention. Telephone interruptions, watching television during meal times and trying to carry on a conversation while you are driving through heavy traffic do not provide the framework for healthy listening.

• Become an active listener for your child. Try to hear feelings as well as words. Reduce the number of questions you ask your child. Permit the child to express feelings and encourage him/her to take the lead in conversations. Be sure that you’re understanding and interpreting what your child has said.

• Try to match your child’s posture, position, and body language. If the child is sitting, you sit. If s/he is standing, try to converse at eye level.

• Instead of focusing on your child’s manner of delivery, grammar, or emotional state, attend to the content of the message and not the delivery.

• Use your child’s own words. Restating the problem in a child’s own language can let him/her know that you understand. For younger children, be concrete and keep things simple. As the child ages, more abstract ideas and questions become appropriate.

• Identify areas of common experience and agreement. Note similar experiences from your own background which can communicate acceptance and understanding to your child.

One of the greatest gifts that you can ever give your child is to truly listen. Give the
gift of whole-hearted listening and encourage the expression of feeling and emotion.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2003