The pros, cons of single-child families

All of us who are rearing or who have raised children know only all to well about the expense of having a family.

Even if a child decides not to continue his education after high school, the expenses involved in providing food, medical care, clothing and shelter for a child from birth to age 18 is monumental.

The prospect of having a large family causes parents to evaluate their status and project the costs of each child over the future years. Because many couples are opting to have smaller families, I am often asked about the psychological considerations of having an only child.

For many years it was felt that an only child would acquire undesirable personality characteristics, even to the point of being spoiled and selfish. Parents were made to feel guilty if they had “an only child.”

For those of us raised with brothers and sisters, many fond of memories of family life exist. We would be quick to point out that some experiences with brothers and sisters cannot be duplicated.

In adulthood, family get-togethers would be quite different in the absence of brothers and sisters and their children. For one thing, without them we would never have the experience being aunts or uncles.

And some only children do express feelings of loneliness in childhood, wishing for a brother or sister to share family life.

On the other hand, the only child does not experience the rivalry and sometimes even hostility that frequently accompanies sibling relationships, both in childhood and later childhood.

Some evidence exists that the only child may be more creative since he or she must create more things to do, including creating the fantasy of brothers, sisters, or imaginary playmates.

An only child does not have to vie for attention or prove his superiority in the daily competitive round of sibling games.

Parents of an only child who wish to help their offspring achieve a happy and psychologically well-balanced existence may have to adjust some of the attitudes they developed as a member of a family with many children.

The first attitude is to let the child develop as a person and keep his or her own lives constant. Parents sometime let their whole life revolve around the only child. They tend to lose any identity they once had as a couple. The twosome is always a threesome when there is only one child in the family.

The parent must consider the child’s abilities, talents, and limitations. The parent of an only child should be aware of the many stages of human growth and development to assist and guide the child through each step. Do not compare him to other playmates.

Parents of an only child may want to talk to their adult friends who were raised as only children. Helpful hints can be gained from looking back on the experience.

Next week I will continue the discussion of the only child and talk about common mistakes parents may make in rearing the only child.

Harold H. LeCrone, Ph.D. Copyright © 1993