1st child sets pattern of family function

A pattern develops during the first few days after the birth of the first child that often defines the manner in which the family will function.

Parents set these patterns and develop basic philosophies about parenting, determining how family members will relate to each other and how the family will relate to those outside the family.

Different patterns include how the family spends time together, how family members set priorities for their activities, and what the family value systems will be in the future.

Other things such as philosophies of discipline, the part grandparents will play in the family structure and whether the mother’s primary responsibility will be to remain at home or to choose employment outside the home are also established.

This important time – these first few years after the arrival of the first child – sets the pace for many cornerstones of living and continues until the children are grown and leave home. There are expectations, of course, but by and large many families develop routines and a personality of the family group that persists for years to come.

Many important factors influence the identity of the family and how it will function. One of the most important is how the parents themselves were reared. The value systems, moral codes and patterns of communication adopted by their parents influence the patterns of living that now define their families. Young parents able to remember this will be investing in the ways their grandchildren will be reared.

In looking back over the early years of our own family, my wife and I realize how many of the fundamental patterns that define the way we raised our children were established during the early years of our family.

We experimented to some degree with some of the fundamental concepts, such as both being employed outside the home, where we lived in relation to our own parents, how we spent our leisure time, philosophy and patterns of discipline with our first child and other essential elements that define a family and how it lives.

In looking back, we realize that many of the things we were experimenting with were simply minor variations of the fundamental patterns existing in our own upbringing. We also realized that many of the things that attracted us to each other in the first place were the common interests, value systems and outlook on life that we brought into the marriage.

Of course we appreciate now the values and traditions our parents established and hope those that have become an integral part of our family will be considered as each of our children establish their own family units.

We believe that early bonding and early consistent routines contribute to the personality of the family and to future generations.

Next week I will continue this discussion of family patterns.