So you wish you could be more optimistic about life? Do you often wonder how some individuals with all their ups and downs can rebound from misfortunes? You probably can’t completely change your personality, but you can learn to apply reason and reframe your thinking so you will see events and situations in a new light.
We all carry around certain irrational beliefs, messages received from parents, older siblings or other significant people in our lives, such as grandparents, teachers and close associates. If you have a faulty belief system, it can result in an unhappy state or way of life that could be improved.
• You may have been taught by those significant people in your life that you should be thoroughly competent, completely adequate and always striving for higher achievement. Or you may have been led to believe that you must be loved by everyone. You may have an all-or-nothing attitude.
In reality, situations are rarely absolutely good or absolutely bad. Most situations have many shades of gray. You cannot please everyone so be realistic and refrain form self-criticism. Enjoy your ability to excel in some areas and accept that you are less than perfect in other areas. To reach a happier state, do the same for others, your spouse, your children and your friends.
• If a single event turns out badly, do you tend to turn it into a prophesying event? Many people seem to think that when things are going well, trouble is just around the corner. Or they believe that that past is all-important, and that it shapes the present and future so strongly that nothing can erase a bad mistake. No one has the ability to see into the future; life is not simply a series of problems and struggles, and you can’t make predictions based on isolated events.
You have to learn not to stick a label on yourself or on those around you. You may tend to label yourself a loser if you don’t win the golf tournament or think your best friend struck out because he wasn’t accepted for a position he applied for. Take time to look at the whole picture instead of concentrating on a single event. Usually, things look brighter that way.
• Two important things to remember if you want to thrive in a happier state are that human happiness is rarely caused by external forces and that happiness is an intrinsic feeling that varies from person to person.
• Some fortunate individuals learn early in life that each person makes his own happiness and that if each weighed the facts as they were and analyzed them clearly, he would accept them and go on.
• They also can learn that emotions are powerful and produce feelings, but feelings are not facts. By separating facts from feelings they can weed out faulty or irrational beliefs.
When people are depressed, they do not see events clearly. They tend to judge themselves and others harshly because their feelings are clouding the facts. If necessary, consider getting professional help to enable you to begin looking at things in a different light, one that will help straighten out irrational thinking and belief patterns.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1989
