Making time for your family important

The incidents involving school violence has brought to light the fact that many families in our society today need help. Many authorities have noted the lack of parental involvement as one of the common factors in these tragedies.

Most young adults begin marriage with healthy ideas about sharing responsibilities and the need to spend time with their children. They have every good intention of being very involved in their families. As time goes on however, they find themselves becoming very involved in their own lives, their work, and the stresses and strains involved in “keeping the wheels on”, leaving little time for family involvement. Meals are rarely consumed together, time is spent apart, and children have little or no conception of what it is like to be involved in a family situation on a regular basis. Parents often get caught up in a pattern of long hours on the job and often bring work home or have more than one job. While this may produce material success and positive regard by colleagues and peers, the end result is often that the worker devotes the largest portion of life to a career. Children of these career bound parents often grow up with little attention and a quick depression of the TV remote control can switch them from one sitcom to another where the theme is violence, unhappy families, music promoting use of alcohol drugs, etc.

It is very easy to oversimplify the very difficult task of parenting. Attempting to do so also runs the risk of sounding judgment and self righteous.

In spite of this, I would like to present a few ideas about some of the “basics” of parental involvement:

• Set aside regular, frequent times for the family to sit down and spend time talking about how each person’s needs are being met – or not met. Use this information to modify each family member’s responsibility.

• If children are in the home, try to always have one parent present when the children come in from school. After-school time is the part of the day when the child wants to share events of the day, to tell of successes or failures. Parents can be there to take care of the cuts and scratches as well as to provide the strokes and pats on the back. By helping with or supervising homework, the parent can teach study skills and habits. Having a relaxed setting after school and in the evenings is important for healthy family development. Arranging for a shorter or flexible scheduling of work hours can make the family time possible.

• Establish definite responsibilities and duties for each member. Sharing these duties and rotating them can keep any assignment from becoming a burden.

• Set aside definite periods of time when the family can be together as a unit. Eating meals together, packing a picnic supper or sharing a time of recreation can result in renewed cohesiveness.

• Periodically, examine the health of the family unit to see if pressures are building. Careers and work duties can be heavier at different times of the year. Preparing for periods of stress and demand can eliminate misunderstanding and hurt feelings.

• Working families can be happy families, but the psychological health of the family should be monitored closely for signs of stress.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1999