A balancing act: family, career, home

Meeting the physical and emotional needs of our children when either both parents work or the single parent work outside the home is often difficult, but is a very important task.

Learning to provide our children with the security they need and keep them from feeling less important than our work can be achieved with careful planning.

• First consider the child's point of view, how they accept the working parent, and what is important to them. The idea of one or both parents working outside the home is not new or unique to the children of today. Estimations are that over half of the families have either both parents or the single parent working outside the home. For the most part, children accept this. Having parents and lifestyles similar to their peers is very important. No child wants to stand out in the crowd as being the "oddball" or different.

• Although many children are accepting of their working parents, they still want their individual needs to be met. And they are aware that some parents very successfully balance the responsibilities of home and career by careful utilization of time.

• They don't want to be excluded from discussions about the work of the parent. They want to hear about their duties and responsibilities. What is their weekly schedule going to be? Why must they devote extra time outside of the workday to their job? What is frustrating about the job? What do they think about their boss? Why? What does their boss think about them? Why? They want to know what they like about the job, and what they dislike. The by-product of these parent-child conversations could be the beginning of idea information in career choices leading to early steps down a path of eventually guiding the child into the work force.

• Most children, especially by the time they reach early adolescence, realize the difference between hard-working parents who feel a commitment toward their vocation and those who are workaholics and live by the credo, "I work to live," not, "I live to work." Our children resent this exclusion from their parents' lives and expect parents to sometimes reschedule and change priorities for them. Children need time for special family rituals and observances. They need time for parents to listen while they discuss their hopes and dreams. Over the years I have heard many parents say they woke up one day to realize the children were almost grown up. Sadly, they lamented the fact that they hardly knew them.

• To keep emotional stability in the household, parents should make every effort to come home and begin family interaction on a happy or positive note at the end of the day. Hitting the front door with constant complaints of how terrible the day was and how unfair life is creates an air of pessimism in the child and can lead to negative stereotyped thinking. Parents should find something positive to talk about during the first few minutes at home. Discussion of problems or unpleasant situations can come later.

Next week I would like to discuss ways the parents can organize and provide security and emotional well being within the home.

Copyright c 1995 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.