Effective parenting a 2-way street

Some parents feel they have not done the best job of parenting they could have. They would like to have their “report card” show grades of a perfect relationship between parent and child. Their self-analysis of anything les than “A” makes them try to blame themselves.

What they fail to keep in mind is that any relationship is a two way street. The relationship between parents and kids is no exception.

It is true that in the past child psychology has concentrated on the performance of the child and has made many parents think they are responsible if total harmony does not reign in the household.

It’s also true that most children want to get along with their parents and are often searching for help in improving their relationship. When talking about any problems of communication or understanding they might have, they usually admit that parents are human beings with faults of their own and that under the given circumstances are probably doing the best that they can to provide a good home and nurture and love their children.

Following are some common areas that parents and children can concentrate on to build better relationships.

• When parents praise the accomplishments of their children, no matter how small, children should express how proud they are of their parents. Few parents hear compliments from their children when they receive a promotion, complete a project around the house or spend their spare time helping another family member.

• Just as children dislike being compared with siblings or their peers, parents don’t’ like to be compared with parents of friends of their children. Respect of one’s individuality is the key to keeping open the lines of communication. The negative attributes of Johnny’s parents may not always exceed the positive attributes. In fact, if Johnny would study the negative side of other parents, he may appreciate his own parents even more.

• When parents surprise their children with rewards and treats, the result is usually a pleasant encounter. So when children surprise their parents by performing a task without being told to do it, parents are equally pleased.

• Parents work hard to find common areas of interest with their children. Children should try to find areas of interest with their parents. If dad likes to work in the yard, try to develop an interest in plants or vegetables and spend some shared time with him. If mom likes to work with handicrafts, go with her to the hobby shops and make some projects with her. Finding common areas of interest stimulates conversation and increases compatibility.

• Just as parents are urged not to blame their children for shortcomings and mistakes, children should not blame their parents for mistakes, children should not blame their parents for mistakes in their past or present. Learning to accept one another and setting limits on both sides while working toward harmonious living should be the goal of both.

There may not be a perfect solution for any family. But accepting one another and working toward problem solving, smoothing the rough edges of day to day encounters is the making of a good family.