Parents must set goals for children
Tom is graduating from high school this month. Mary is, too. Many parents like those of Tom and Mary wonder if they have done a good enough job of parenting to send these two out into the world.
They have provided wisdom and guidance, schools have provided knowledge and career skills and the church has helped instill moral values. Still, is it enough? Will they falter or fail?
Parenting is a difficult job, and a how-to book doesn’t answer every question because each child and each family is unique and circumstances may alter any rule. But in talking with parents and youths and in studying research, I believe there are common goals parents should set for their children.
• Children, for the most part, should be responsible for their own well-being after they leave home. If they are in college or move to another city, they can visit a health center and select a physician who will prescribe for them if they become ill. Encourage them to continue to exercise daily, eat a well-balanced diet and get adequate rest.
• Every child should know how to balance a budget and a checkbook. Teach them to list expenses first, then set aside a certain amount for entertainment, emergencies and savings. The best lesson to teach them about budgeting is never budget to the last penny. Always have a balance from which to draw. Have them discuss these expenditures with you for several months before their departure. Usually, the cost of living is a big surprise for them.
• Every child should set realistic career goals. If they do not plan to continue with post-secondary education, they may have to settle for a lower-paying entry-level job, then, though experience or further study, advance to a higher level. Some companies have a tuition reimbursement plan where employees can continue their education while on the job. Have them consider all the options the company has to offer, opportunities for promotion, salary and the people they will work with.
For children entering a college or university, encourage them to seek guidance in career planning. They should assess their talents and abilities to find their special niche in life. University life is a constant exposure to new people, new ideas and is an awakening to knowledge recorded and explored.
• Every child should be able to select new friends and make new acquaintances. Enlarging their circle of friends will be a large part of their new life. Human-relations skills they have learned will help bridge the transition from home to the future, and preferred characteristics and personalities will determine whom they will choose. Do they have similar views on culture, religion or politics? Do they have similar standards? Can they laugh together?
This may be the time they select a mate. Qualities of friendship usually precede an ideal match. But there are no concrete rules.
• Every child should realize that learning is a lifetime process. Experience will be a great teacher, but learning must be continuous for everyone.
Parents who read this undoubtedly will come up with other worthy and necessary goals, but the ultimate one for parents and the young graduates is to find a way to connect as adults. That connection is the maturity level reached when parent and child find a growing appreciation of each other.
