Passive aggressives not good team players

Last week I discussed some of the elements of the passive aggressive personality disorder.

Individuals with a passive aggressive personality can be difficult to deal with and can make life miserable for those around them.

Here are two examples of how a passive aggressive personality can assert itself:

A teen-ager has been asked four times to set the table. When he finally begins the task, he spills a glass of milk and “accidentally” drops a new china plate and smashes it.

A nurse is all smiles and pleasant to patients while the doctor is in the examining room. But as soon as the doctor exits, the nurse becomes cold, aloof and disinterested. The patient leaves with a bad impression of the doctor’s overall treatment team and ends up switching to another doctor.

When you encounter a passive aggressive personality like the nurse of the teen-ager, do not put them in areas where their performance can go unnoticed or where they have the freedom to sabotage part of the operation.

A receptionist who might have a passive aggressive personality could destroy future customer or client contacts. She would be the first contact a future customer or client would have with a company.

Passive aggressives are not good members of a team. If their behavior becomes intolerable, they should be terminated or encouraged to get help for their problems.

Adolescents and teen-agers are by definition self-centered and confrontational with authority figures. They can also be passive aggressive.

If your children exhibit some of these characteristics, it may be necessary to spend extra time explaining why you want them to do a certain thing and why it fits in with the rest of the family’s goals.

Enlisting the teens’ support and showing them love and affection can go a long way toward helping them through this turbulent time of life, as well as helping them overcome their passive aggressive tendencies. Counseling may be helpful if the problem persists.

If you are married to a passive aggressive personality or work for one, try not to put yourself in a position of being dependent on them at critical moments. These individuals have a way of hurting when it can hurt the most.

Have your employer put things in writing about your role or job in the organization.

Attempt to get your spouse to verbally communicate dissatisfaction or anger rather than using an indirect approach when expressing dissatisfaction.

If you are passive aggressive, learn to be “up front.” Sit down with a close friend and talk about how you come across with others or to others.

The friend should be honest and objective in helping you. Professional counseling may also be indicated in this case.

Copyright c 1996 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D