People differ on how they view holidays

It's Christmas Eve. And by now many parents are ready for a little more of the part about, "Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse." The cooking, shopping, caroling and addressing of the Christmas card will culminate in a day of joy and happiness for many. For others, it will be the loneliest, emptiest, unhappiest time of the year. Their greatest wish is for a rapid passage of time, a jump ahead, past the holiday season with its painful memories and negative emotions. Some may seek to dull the pain with drugs and alcohol. Others may seek escape through prolonged sleep, extramarital affairs, and immersion in work.

Pondering these possibilities made me recall an incident several years ago when my eldest son was an undergraduate in college. A couple of days before Christmas he asked if he could bring one of his fellow students home to spend Christmas Even and part of Christmas Day with us. The young man was not a close friend, but was one of his classmates who my son said had no close family ties due to a number of unfortunate circumstances. My wife and I prepared the guest bedroom, set an extra place at the Christmas Eve dinner table, and bought a small gift which we placed under the tree for him. We had learned that the young man lived in a small apartment close to the campus and had no transportation of his own.

When we went to pick him up late in the afternoon of Christmas Eve, we were somewhat startled by the extremely spartan type environment that surrounded him. Uncomplaining, he matter of factly explained that he was responsible for all of his living expenses and that his funds were extremely limited. As we drove toward our home, I experienced a wave of mild anxiety as I contrasted the difference between his lifestyle and ours. With our comfortable home, I felt both a sense of embarrassment and guilt and a feeling of gratitude and appreciation. With that in mind, his struggles and our blessings provided the emotional backdrop for the evening ahead.

It was during dinner that I began to suspect that the economic differences between his life and ours were not the only gap between us. He began to express his philosophy and outlook on life which included a very strong sentiment against the values that our family shared, especially those relating to our views on issues such as family, lifestyle and spirituality.

For many years during my professional endeavors my family has traveled with me and we have met many interesting and unusual people. These experiences have given them the opportunity to crystallize their own beliefs, values, and attitudes while keeping an openness to learning how other people view the world. Certainly our Christmas Eve guest that year provided us with a rare opportunity to explain what Christmas meant to us and why the traditions we share as a family have brought us closer together.

A stimulating and challenging discussion went on for several hours that evening. The young man listened, questioned, and stated his views. There was no sense on either side of a need for "conversion" or even a win-lose call. I was very inspired by my family's ability to articulate their feelings about their beliefs and viewpoints. As families grow up, parents catch only brief glimpses of their children's grasp of what they are trying to teach and instill in them. Their intellectual, social, and psychological development can often be measured rather easily. But their true beliefs and values must often be speculated upon on gained through hearsay, feedback from others, or other indirect sources.

What we heard that evening as our children expressed themselves with clarity and firmness was a gift that made that Christmas one that my wife and I will not forget.

Copyright c 1995 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.