See broader view in making changes

Christmas is over, and with 1999 upon us, it is a time for reflection.

Many individuals ponder the triumphs and tragedies of their last 12 months and vow to make improvements in their lives. Some will focus on making financial and career changes, others on health-related issues, while many individuals will evaluate their relationships and decide to make changes.

Often, the perspective of an individual focuses on the details – the small bits amid pieces: “I’ll watch less TV.” “I’ll cook with less butter.” “I’ll hang up my clothes.” “I’ll become a better golfer.”

These goals are certainly worthy of consideration and may, in fact, be all that the individual really wants to change.

If, however, you feel as though you need to consider things more globally and look at broader improvements, then the following suggestions might be helpful.

• During the coming year, decide to make unconditional positive commitments regarding the cornerstone of your relationships and the manner in which you value yourself. In individuals, unique value is not determined by accomplishments, performance or behavior. Their value is not diminished by their feelings and not improved by their successes. This attitude toward oneself and others is essential in building healthy self-esteem.

• Decide to set healthy limits and boundaries in relationships. Being able to say no without feeling guilty is an important component of good mental health.

• Decide to view your less-than-successful experiences as opportunities for learning rather than failures. Additionally, begin to perceive change as inevitable and a part of life, as challenge and opportunity rather than threat or burden.

• Listen to yourself and ask other trusted individuals how you come across to other people. Do you have good communication skills or are there areas that need significant improvement? Does your attitude and demeanor promote healthy relationships or do you need to work on this area of your life?

• Decide to practice healthy thinking. Avoid mind reading – assuming that you know what other people are thinking when in fact you may be completely incorrect. Avoid catastrophic thinking – making mountains out of molehills when in reality, the situation may not be nearly as bad as you believe it to be. If you are a people-pleaser, consider the potential risks of trying to make everyone happy, especially at your own expense.

• Decide to increase healthy behaviors and discard the ones that might put you at risk for illness and poor health. Exercise, healthy diet and adequate rest are all essential.

• Finally, decide that you are going to try to enjoy each and every day instead of always waiting until tomorrow for happiness to come to you. Focus on the good things that are going on in your life. Seek improvement as an opportunity for growth and development rather than as a response to overwhelming dissatisfaction.

Happy New Year to each and every one of you.

Copyright c 1998 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.