Should I Work For A Narcissist?

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

I have been asked to move from part-time to full-time with a start-up technology firm as a junior partner, but have some reservations about saying yes. The three senior partners are all very intelligent, charming and enthusiastic, but along with their good points, they all seem to be extremely self-centered and “full of themselves.” My husband has been around them on several occasions and says that he believes they are all narcissistic megalomaniacs. Please tell me about narcissistic people.

— A reader trying to avoid a disaster

Dear Reader:

Clinical or pathological narcissism affects only about 1 percent of the population and more men than women have this problem, but there are millions of individuals of both sexes who share some narcissistic traits. There is a spectrum of narcissistic behaviors ranging from mild and transient to serious and pervasive. I will address the more severe form of this disorder.

Narcissistic individuals feel the need to be admired at all times. Their relationships are shallow and uncommitted. They do not like anyone disagreeing with them or challenging their authority, skills or judgment.

These same people often ignore or simply do not understand the effect that their behavior has on others, nor do they consider the mayhem they create in interpersonal relationships. The narcissists may at first seem genuinely excited and interested in a relationship, but they soon seek power and dominance.

Other characteristics include a sense of entitlement, unreasonable expectations and automatic compliance from those around them. They also take advantage of others to achieve their own needs.

Lacking empathy, the narcissists are unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. They often contribute little or nothing in return for the gratifications they seek. They often assume that other individuals feel “honored” to have a relationship with them, and think these other people receive as much pleasure in providing them with favors and attention as they experience in accepting these favors.