The Rumor Mill: Why It Occurs And How To Deal With It

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

I live in an assisted-living center with about 200 other residents. Life here has many of the same elements of living in a small town. I have developed a few close friends and many acquaintances.

One of the things that really bother me, however, is the rumor mill that goes on here much of the time. It is like a virus that spreads fast and hurts a lot of people. Some of the residents refuse to interact with the rest of us because of the fear and pain of being the target of a rumor. Can you discuss rumors and how to stop them?

-A reader in Florida

Dear Reader:

Stopping rumors may not be your most realistic goal. As author John Tudor once wrote, “A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.”

Some people entertain rumors in an attempt to make them feel superior and important. They erroneously believe that tearing someone else down may build them up. Their feelings of inferiority and insecurity make them feel jealous and, since they easily feel slighted, they seek revenge through rumors. Their lack of insight and judgment ends up hurting them in the long run.

People with high need for control and power often try to use rumors to steer things their way. These people often are trying to stab someone else in the back to achieve their goals.

On the other hand, some people act impulsively and don’t think before they speak. They are bored and like to start rumors to receive attention. They like to create a crisis in order to liven things up and make their surroundings more interesting.

Minimizing the impact of rumors can be accomplished in several ways.

Stop listening. Tell the rumormonger that you have other issues to attend to and are not interested in hearing trivia. This may help break the chain needed for rumors to persist.

If you are drawn into the rumor, ask if the information they are disseminating will help or hurt the person being discussed. Encourage bearers to use the information in a way that will help. Talk about the hurt that may result from careless use of information and the need for getting the facts.

Rumor spreaders eventually loose their credibility and then are “taken with a grain of salt” so don’t let them get under your skin.