There’s humor even in growing old
A friend sent me this hilarious e-mail. The author is unknown and I will be glad to give proper credit if notified.
• Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
• You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
• Middle age is when work is a lot less fun – and fun a lot more work.
• Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?
• Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
• By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
• Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
• Of course I’m against sin; I’m against anything that I’m too old to enjoy.
• Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
• A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
• Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
• You know you’re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
• At my age, “getting a little action” means I don’t need to take a laxative.
• Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
• You’re getting old when “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
• You’re getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don’t know till the 4th of July.
• You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.
• The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
• Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news – the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
• It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
• You know you’re getting old when you stop buying green bananas because it’s too risky of an investment.
• Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
• There are three signs of old age. The first is one’s loss of memory, the other two I forget.
• You know you are over the hill when you discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large . . . in that order.
