Are You Pooped By A Party?

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

The holiday season can be stressful for many people. Financial reasons, fatigue, hectic scheduling, squabbles during family gatherings, finding gifts in crowed stores and other season-related difficulties can all cause stress.

My problem is different. I am an introvert and do not enjoy small talk and chitchat in large, crowded functions, especially with a lot of noise. I often dread attending big Christmas parties, open houses, receptions and other similar social functions. But my spouse enjoys going, so I usually accompany her. I would much prefer to stay at home and read a good book. I don’t consider myself anti-social because I enjoy small, more- ntimate functions. I also like to attend events at which I am a spectator, such as a movie or ballgame. Am I weird or do other people feel the way I do? Please suggest some ways for me to survive large social gatherings.

— A reader in Ohio


Dear Reader:

The majority of Americans are extroverts (75 percent) so you are in the minority. Introverts and extroverts are wired differently. Extroverts are energized from interaction with people, and introverts get their energy from within themselves. Social gatherings charge the batteries of an extrovert but drain the batteries of an introvert.

Many introverted people share your feelings about large social functions. They are not party poopers but rather pooped by a party. I once heard someone who shares your feelings say after a lengthy social gathering, “I’m out of words.”

Here are a few suggestions that may assist you in reducing your aversion to these situations.

If you know someone at a gathering who shares your lack of enthusiasm for large social occasions, seek that person out, find a less crowded area and pass the time conversing in a more comfortable atmosphere.

If the situation necessitates entering into conversations with a more extroverted guests, try the following approach: Rather than struggling to carry on a conversation, ask extroverts about themselves, their families and their hobbies, and assume the “spectator role.” Extroverts usually enjoy telling their stories and don’t mind carrying the conversation.

While at the social function, volunteer to pour the punch, mix the drinks or help with the food preparation and avoid having to mingle and become involved in extended dialog with other, more extroverted guests.

Don’t feel weird. Introverts can relate to this proverb: “Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence.”