A Few Tips to Keep Your Family Gathering Pleasant

As a child I remember the Christmas holiday as exciting, wonderful, happy and worry-free. The big family gatherings provided nonstop fun and food.

Now that I am an adult my perspective has changed because of the stress and tension that occurs at many of our family get-togethers. I now realize that there were some very unhappy moments in those seemingly idyllic family gatherings, but I was too young to recognize the problems or was shielded from unpleasantness. Can you provide some guidance on how to keep holiday family friction from leaving some of my family members with unpleasant memories?

Dear Reader:

Families “evolve” as family members get older, marriages occur, children arrive and in-laws become part of the group. Family gatherings face the potential of tension and stress including family feuding. A full-blown family feud at a holiday gathering can really put a damper on things.

Here are some tips that may make your holiday gatherings happier and less stressful:

* Consider holding gatherings in neutral territory. A room in a restaurant, a hotel guest suite, or a resort meeting room are examples of “nonturf” locations that may make some family members feel more comfortable. If the gathering is large, consider having a caterer and thus avoid potential hassles over who does what.

* Invite some friends from outside the family to the gathering. Some people control their behavior more effectively when strangers are around. Also, new and interesting outsiders may bring fresh topics for discussion and help reduce the risk of drudging up old grudges.

* Resist the temptation to fall back into childhood roles during these settings. The “baby” of the family can now pull his or her own share of the duties and the oldest sibling is not responsible for making everyone happy.

* Be careful about making alcoholic beverages too available or you will face the potential for loosened tongues, crying spells and other emotional outbursts that frequently accompany too much alcohol in emotionally charged settings.

* Family gatherings are time-limited, and a good sense of humor along with the silent self-statement “this too shall pass” is often helpful in moving through a tense gathering.

* Recognize that change is inevitable and healthy. Make your holiday gathering a time for new experiences.

Finally, recognize that an idyllic family gathering, especially with large families, is an unrealistic goal. Don’t let a few glitches ruin your fun.