Family Reunions

Dear Dr.LeCrone:

I am debating whether to attend the rather large family reunion this summer held by my father’s family. I have not attended this gathering for several years as my father is deceased. The last few reunions that I remember were rather tense at times because some of my cousins viciously teased me. I am now married and have a family and I would like for my relatives to meet my wife and children. How can I reduce the chance of unpleasantness?

-A reader in Texas

Dear Reader:

Relatives who have not seen you for several years may remember you as you were when they last saw you, and may find it difficult to interact with you in your present role as an adult, spouse, and parent. Give them a chance to catch up with your development and overlook any references to their initial perceptions of you as a child. Along with this, remember that your cousins have gotten older and hopefully have changed too.

Try to put aside any animosity and old grudges you may hold against other family members. Staying active as a group with games, movies, songs, and other activities may prevent situations where too much recollection and reminiscence may be potentially harmful.

Recognize that in situations such as family reunions, class reunions, and other such gatherings, individuals sometimes exaggerate their accomplishments or act in pretentious ways. These false impressions are often created in order to gain recognition and approval. Try to overlook these attempts to bolster egos and cover up insecurities. Instead, focus on the more pervasive and longstanding good qualities present in other family members.

Focus on the things that you cherish about your family and concentrate on the values and traditions that have helped you in your own personal development. Write down some of your recollections of amusing and happy times from the past to relate to family members should the opportunity arise.

If you should begin to feel uncomfortable while at the reunion, get away for a short time. A walk, drive, or trip to the store can often break up too much togetherness. When the conversation lags, make a friendly departure. Above all, don't stay past the time when there is enjoyment in togetherness. A good rule of thumb is to leave while you are still having a good time and enjoying yourself.

Good luck and best wishes to you and your family should you choose to attend the reunion.