Treatments abound to help the painfully shy

He got on the subway to ride to work and purposely found a seat near the back of the last car. He sat down and immediately opened his newspaper so that his face was shielded from the other passengers. When he lowered the paper to turn the page, one of his coworkers who was also riding the subway spotted him. As he quickly broke eye contact, he felt his mouth go dry and his heart began beating faster. When the coworker spoke to him he began sweating profusely, felt faint, and became dizzy and nauseated as he tried to respond to his coworker’s small talk. He found that he had trouble articulating his words and realized that he was speaking in a very low voice making it difficult to be understood. Feeling terribly embarrassed and severely anxious, he suddenly stood up and said that he had to get off at the next stop, several stops short of the workplace exit. As he stepped off the subway, he felt very depressed, lonely and ashamed of himself. He truly wished he could be “normal” like the people with whom he worked.

Unfortunately, this pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviors was a way of life for him and were symptoms of his extreme shyness. Research has reported that approximately 40% of the adults in the United States report that they are chronically shy. Recent reports indicate that this figure is probably growing as more people are starting to admit that they have trouble with some of the following situations:

• Difficulties meeting people.

• Forming close and intimate relationships.

• Interacting with any degree of comfort in small group situations.

• Initiating and maintaining conversations.

• Interacting and dealing with authority figures.

• Being appropriately assertive and speaking up for oneself.

Shyness produces a socially under developed individual who has difficulty making friendships, does not know how to act in social situations, and unaware of how to take the steps necessary to get oneself into a social situation in the first place. Most authorities distinguish the difference between shyness and introversion, although they are certainly related. Introverts do not necessary fear social encounters, but instead prefer solitary activities when a choice is available. Shy individuals on the other hand, actually “suffer” and have low self-esteem. Fortunately, effective treatments for shyness exist. These usually include a variety of tools including exposure to anxiety producing situations, stress and anxiety management training and therapy to help challenge and reduce negative thought patterns. Role playing can also be a very effective treatment modality for shyness, where the shy person has an opportunity to first observe less shy behaviors and then practice these in a less threatening, role playing situation.

Shy individuals miss a lot of opportunities in life and can often benefit from seeking professional help for this problem.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2001