Use New Year to improve your inner life

Now is the time when many people think about ways to improve their lives in the coming year.

Heading the list for many are weight loss, improved financial situation, exercise and more rewarding relationships.

Permit me to offer some suggestions that may increase the value and effectiveness pondering your future.

Begin by thinking of the events that occurred during the past year that were rewarding, successful and worth repeating. For example, perhaps you began an exercise program and have stayed with it. It is now part of your routine and you consider it to be an essential element in your list or priorities.

Or perhaps you stated back to school and have furthered your education and career objectives. Maybe you developed some new hobbies, made new friends or improved your communications skills with your spouse and family. Give yourself a pat on the back for these accomplishments.

Next review situations that you would have liked to have handled differently, improved upon or even avoided. Perhaps you made some bad financial decisions. In retrospect, you realized you could have avoided these with more careful planning.

Maybe you became embroiled in a relationship that seemed interesting at the time, but later led to conflict, incompatibility or other problems. You realize now that your excessive emotional neediness and tendency toward dependency led you to comply with the wishes and desires of someone not suitable for you at this point in your life.

As a final example, perhaps you experienced a great deal of tension this year because of a strained relationship with your teen-ager. Things escalated to the point that he or she threatened to run away.

Physical violence and conflict occurred, or the teen-ager gravitated toward peers with serious problems and poor self-esteem. Your own busy schedule, coupled with the lack of understanding about adolescent development and effective parenting techniques led you to let your emotions override your good judgment.

After sorting out the triumphs and tragedies of this past year, begin to explore ways you could have done things differently.

Perhaps your excesses were based on impulse buying or as an escape from stress.
An unfortunate relationship could have been avoided or its negative effective minimized by setting boundaries and limits during the early stages of the relationship.
In the case of rebellious teen-ager, a better understanding on your part gained from learning more about techniques in dealing with the “disease of adolescence” might have changed things or reduced their intensity.

Maybe one of your New Year’s resolutions could be to learn from your less-than-desirable experiences. When things don’t go the way you desire or intend during the New Year, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience?”

Copyright c 1996 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.