Why Some Women End Up In Unhealthy Relationships With Men

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

I am a 35-year-old woman and I have been married three times. My ex-husbands were all
handsome, very nice to me while we were dating , and appeared to be very much in love with me before we were married.

Looking back on these relationships, I realize that I was very naïve and gullible, and was swept off my feet by all three men.

I didn’t know anything about their backgrounds because I met them while traveling as part of my job. After varying lengths of being married, all three relationships began to deteriorate.

One husband became unfaithful and lied to me a lot. Another became very verbally and, at times, physically abusive. The third had a bad drinking problem, which he kept hidden from me before we got married.

Instead of working, he just wanted to run around with his guy friends and live off my income.

I probably remained married to these men far too long in spite of professional advice that none of them were likely to change. My attraction to losers is something I want to stop. Can you please write on this topic?

Dear Reader:

There are many opinions, some seemingly more plausible than others, about why some women seem to become inextricably drawn into relationships with men who have problems.

One explanation portrays the woman as believing that she does not deserve anyone better than a character-defected man. These women are seen as possessing low self-esteem and chronically undervalue themselves, especially when it comes to men.

Another popular explanation for some women’s involvement with troublesome men suggests that some women feel the need to personally rehabilitate men with problems.

These women are said to love the challenge of changing men who need personality “reconstruction.” They believe that given time they can create the man of their dreams.

There are other possible explanations, including the scenario that portrays the woman who is attracted to psychologically unhealthy as someone who loves the adventure and excitement of living on the edge in their younger years but who has an underlying agenda of marrying nice guys when they are ready to settle down.

Perhaps you should seek professional assistance to examine and change your beliefs and assumptions about relationships with men.

Your tendency to be swept off your feet and not know a man’s background before committing to a long-term relationship needs careful examination.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright © 2010