A current wave of popular literature discusses women who are in unhealthy relationships with men and who aren’t able to disengage from these relationships.
Over many years in my counseling practice, I often have seen people – men and women – who seem to be addicted to a relationship without genuinely loving the person.
Individuals in situations like this describe their feelings as being unhappy, angry and dissatisfied with the relationship. They say that in spite of their attempts to make it better, things do not improve. Instead of getting help, the individual stays on in the relationship and continues to try new strategies for improvement, sometimes to the point of endangering his or her health.
Addictive relationships can produce intense negative emotion and, over time, this stress can lead to physical difficulties. The one who is addicted often feels trapped and coerced, and experiences a compulsive need to continue to try to make the relationship work.
Love and addiction are often hard to distinguish. Here are some of the signs of an addictive relationship.
The thought of ending the relationship produces panic and emptiness – often described as a deep dread.
As in other addictions, stopping the relationship produces withdrawal symptoms.
All sorts of rationalizations develop for staying in the relationship, even in the face of a realization that the relationship is bad. Participants begin to fool themselves about their reasons for staying in the relationship in order to justify it.
Attempts to end the relationship frequently occur, but most are short-lived and the person “falls off the wagon” within a short time.
In order to determine whether the relationship is unhealthy or is simply not working because of unreasonable expectations, goals or communication difficulties, professional counseling might be in order to more clearly and objectively understand its true nature.
If it is determined that the relationship is based on addiction rather than on healthy characteristics that the participants can build on, then the individual may want to decide what actions can be taken to change things.
Breaking up is hard to do, but developing positive self-regard is often the first step in regaining control and making a rational decision.
Once a person begins to believe in his own self-worth, a number of options may become available, thus making the addictive relationship less potent.
Hi.
I’m an experienced Clinical Practitioner, Administrator, Professional Writer, and Lecturer.
