Marital counseling may help resolve financial, in-law issues
A reader recently sent to me the following request “Dear Dr. LeCrone, In the past you have written columns on the subject of control issues in a marriage. My wife and I are newlyweds and having some problems with issues of control and power struggles. Frankly, our problems are driving us apart. We are both only children and are used to getting our own way. We both have good jobs and we don’t have a lot of money worries. However, before we got married we didn’t discuss finances and now some of our problems seem to come from issues related to things like who is going to pay the bills, who decides on how we are going to spend our money, what happens if one of us wants a big ticket item, such as a new car, and the other one doesn’t. Additionally, both sets of our parents live in the same town with us. We didn’t anticipate that this would be a problem but now we are now having trouble with their giving us too much advise when we haven’t asked for their opinions. Both of us are struggling over which set of parents is giving us “good” advice and which set is simply “butting in” to our marriage and this is putting us at odds with each other. These are but a few of the examples we fight over. Please write on the subject of control issues in marriage.”
This young couple’s problems are typical of those found in many marriages today. They may be overwhelmed with communication and relationship issues thus impairing their ability to correctly identify problems and resolve conflicts. Instead of the couple effectively communicating their feeling and needs, they may often attack each other personally, which results in pain, bitterness and resentment. This pain can end in their emotionally insulating themselves from each other and beginning to grow apart.
Struggles for power and control are often found in unhealthy relationships. Their reference to each “getting their way” before marriage probably tells a lot about their problems.
Examining commitments and priorities within the relationship might begin to give the couple an opportunity to resolve money, in-law problems and other difficulties not mentioned above.
Counseling might be helpful and worth a try. My belief is that no stone should be left unturned in attempting to resolve the difficulties in any martial relationship. I wish this young couple the best of luck.
