Adolescence time for development
Last week we discussed the powerful influence of peer pressure and why adolescents yield to this pressure. Why, on the surface at least, they seem to reject parents and family. We found that we can withstand the influence of peer pressure if we work with adolescents during this transition period by understanding their motivations and drives.
Now let us explore the ways we can use peer pressure for positive influences.
• First of all, we can start at an early age to establish relationships with other children who are likely to have positive and healthy value systems. Parents at this have quite a bit of control in choosing their children’s friends. Although there is no guarantee that these friends will grow up in a healthy emotional environment, there is less likelihood that these peers will by poor examples for our children.
We can accept the fact that part of normal adolescent development involves strong peer pressure. We don’t need to panic or over-react when this happens. We can and should listen to adolescents and let them tell us about their friends. If we are overly judgmental and critical, we can expect that they will cease all talk about their friends in our presence.
• We should recognize that many friendships established during adolescence are short term in nature, as adolescents can be quite “fickle” in relationships.
• We can try to provide an atmosphere in the home that will encourage them to bring their friends. Often, parents can volunteer to take teenagers to a sporting event, a movie, amusement park, etc. If this is started during early adolescence, it often persists in later teen years.
• We can establish a network of communication with parents, and, as a group, plan parties and activities that will permit them to get together in a healthy environment, yet still provide the freedom that they need.
• We can maintain a “status quo.” Although teenagers should be given a lot of freedom in selecting their own friends, we don’t need to relinquish authority. If parents notice that teens are falling in with the “wrong” crowd which will affect their future and personality development in a detrimental way, parents should exert control. Teenagers must be told that the limits of freedom of choice have been exceeded.
• At the same time parents must lovingly, but firmly, state that the family’s value system must not be overridden by value systems outside the family which are clearly unacceptable. Teenagers will try to justify unacceptable actions and behaviors by saying “all my friends get to do this.”
• Implementation of some of these measures may be difficult at times. If a stalemate occurs, the influence of a professionally trained counselor might be needed. Often, a few visits with a minister, school counselor, or other trained professional can help mediate the differences. Then the teenager and the parents can put things back into the proper perspective. Parents should never let the feelings of resentment and anger build to the point of isolation or conflict before seeking help.
Keeping the family together, working with the teenager through adolescence, and accepting peer pressure for the powerful force that it is can be a time for challenge.
Tell the teen that this is a time of learning to think and choose, a time of developing a sense of a place in the world, a time for developing self-respect, for building self-esteem, and for yearning for achievement and success.
Tell them also that you understand that it is a time for adventure, but that you are confident that they have ability to make the right decision. Teaching teens about peer pressure can be rewarding as it is a teaching parenting skills which will be beneficial in the adolescent’s adult life.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1984
