Peer pressure complex behavior
Peer pressure can be a source of great difficulty in a teen’s life. Parents find the pressure baffling, powerful, and even, at times, fearful. How can an influence outside the solid foundation of their home exert so much change? How to handle peer pressure is a problem of great concern.
Providing a secure and stable home is certainly one of the key elements in the process. Most parents seek healthy psychological development for their offspring, and by understanding the drives and sources of motivation in a teen-ager’s life are able to provide a better emotional atmosphere.
With all these elements in place, the baffling part is that many times the hard work and sacrifice of the parent becomes less important to the child than the desires of his friends. Peer pressure, one of the most powerful elements facing human operations, can literally push aside and change behavior, attitudes, and personality.
Just why adolescents give in to peer pressure is a complex and intricate matter. But if adults will think back to the time of their own adolescence, and remember how important it was to be accepted by the group, they will agree that acceptance was more important at that time than at any other time in their life. Fear of exclusion by the peer group was frightening.
Indeed, some adults have difficulty in everyday living because of an inordinate need for approval stemming from a feeling of being chronically rejected by peers during adolescence.
Being liked, one of the gang, a part of the “in” group, is so important that depression, anxiety, and other emotional difficulties can result if the child feels thwarted in this area of his life. Parents would like to have control, to steer the adolescent along the least stormy path, but they often feel powerless to help put this influence in the proper perspective.
As part of the developmental process in making the transition from childhood to adulthood, the adolescent begins to reject many of the values of the parents and seeks values and role models outside the family. Parents should recognize that this is normal adolescent development, and should not be overly threatened by this process. They may expect some ambivalence, may expect to see some juggling of values previously taught.
For instance, a straight “A” student may actually brag about failing an important test or subject. It makes her part of the group which doesn’t place value on academic excellence. Or a teen may decide that church activities are not for him because his peer group ridicules those who attend.
Parents can work through these temporary changes, but when most of the reference points that determine a teen’s behavior seem to come from peers, the tendency of the parent is often to feel hurt or angry. This, of course, can lead to panic and sometimes irrational and overly rigid rules.
An illogical situation develops. A breakdown in communication can be expected. Soon the parent has little real knowledge about how the child is feeling. Consequently, even less direction can be given to the teen-ager.
And that is the real danger of peer pressure. Not the influence of the peer group, but the abandonment of the network that formerly held the family together.
The important thing is to keep the lines of communication open, to be a good listener. Tell the teen that you are confident that the ultimate decision will be the best decision they will make. By fostering positive feelings and by providing support, you can both withstand peer pressure and maintain the family system.
Next week we will discuss ways and guidelines that parents can use to keep the power of peer influence positive in the adolescent’s life.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1984
