Those turbulent teenage years

Adolescence usually is a stormy period. Many parents have ventured through this time of challenge with their children, realizing that despite the stress, there also was joy, and pleasant memories remain.

As a father of three – one who is about to emerge from adolescence, one who is in the midst of it and one who is several years away from it – I feel I can comment on the phenomena of a defiant teenager both from the perspective of a father and from that of a psychologist.

It may be difficult for some of us to remember that we once were defiant teenagers. It is rare, and even may be unhealthy, for defiance not to occur during teen years.

It is a time when children are trying to establish their identities as they go into the prelude of adulthood. They are trying out their wings, questioning the values of their parents and other authority figures and setting their own standards.

This is a normal period of growth and development. When parents react in an educated and appropriate fashion, the conflicts can be minimized and kept in a perspective.

I have heard it said that Mother Nature designed the period so parents would be so sick of their children by the time they were ready to leave home the parent would be glad they were gone. But this turbulence and distress can be minimized to some degree.

Some teenagers question, and rightful so, basic values or assumptions regarding ethics, standards of law and order, along with the need to follow laws and rules in general. It may become difficult to point to healthy role models in some sectors of our society at times.

It often is traumatic for teens to learn that a hero has a tragic flaw. Hearing parents joke about cheating on income taxes, their electric bills or even on each other doesn’t add to a desire to follow parental directions and avoid a defiant attitude.

Peer pressure heightens these adolescent tendencies toward defiance. Following parental rules and doing so cheerfully is not often a standard a group of teenagers sees as worthwhile. It may seem that deliberately violating parental authority in front of other teenagers shows one’s independence.

Teenagers may see some of these situations as mere pranks or harmless ways to get attention from their peers. As adults, however, we know that harm can come from breaking some rules.

Sneaking out of a bedroom window to paper a neighbor’s house in the middle of the night or drinking a few beers to prove one’s masculinity can lead to disastrous results.

Next week, I will discuss some guidelines for helping parents get through this potentially turbulent time of life in a healthy and less stressful manner.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1987