Tips help ease temper tantrums

Most parents have dealt with tantrums as part of their child’s behavior.

Temper tantrums are common in children and even may be observed in adults and some species of animals, such as monkeys. If temper tantrums become a regular pattern in the child’s behavior, it’s usually a sign that something is wrong in the parent-child relationship.

Common with 2-year-olds, temper tantrums at this stage occur mainly because the child is not getting his way in some situation.

Take, for example, the case of the mother who takes the toddler to the grocery store and expects the child not to reach for things on the shelves. The mother says no, and the child frequently begins squirming and screaming.

Children at this age have low impulse control and lack self-discipline. Simply trying to tell a 2-year-old to stop reaching and grabbing is unrealistic, as they have not developed the impulse control needed to cognitively undertake this task.

Temper tantrums also can result from children modeling their parent’s behavior. In a household where the father and mother frequently throw things, shout, yell, scream or even jump up and down in an attempt to get their own ways, the children may adopt the same behavior.

Medical problems can product temper-tantrum-like behavior in children. Psychomotor epilepsy or temporal lobe seizures, endocrine disorders, and nutritional or hormonal factors are possibilities that should be ruled out by a physician.

Most of the time, however, temper tantrums have a psychological basis. The following tips may help control them in your children.

• Be consistent in setting limits for the child. It is normal for children to test the limits parents set for them. If they find variability and that they can manipulate and change these limits, they frequently use behavior such as temper tantrums to get their way. Consistency in setting and following up on these limits cuts the frequency of temper tantrums.

• Giving a child a say in decision-making and letting him discuss solutions to problems can develop a spirit of cooperation in the child. Many times if the child feels he has input into rules and decision, he will be less likely to feel frustrated and act out his feelings in a negative way.

• Try to use positive instead of negative statements in communicating with your child. For instance, stating, “When you put on your coat, you can go out to play” can have a more positive effect than saying, “You can’t go outside until you put on your coat.”

Giving children positive statements for accomplishments, as well as displays of affection, can help in building positive self-esteem. It also can avoid making the child feel as though whatever he does is going to be wrong.

Low self-esteem frequently produces frustration in the child, and temper tantrums often accompany frustration.

• Sometimes ignoring the child’s behavior will cause him to cease the particular undesired action. Unfortunately, this works much better at home than in public.

In public, it often is necessary to remove the child from the situation and attempt to deal with him away from the eyes of onlookers. Many children seem to love to wait until they get their parents in a restaurant to pull a stunt to embarrass them.

However, temper tantrums can be comical and, as children mature, serve as favorite topics of reminiscences. I imagine most parents even can recall a few of their own temper tantrums.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1987