Teenage Dating

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

My daughter just turned 14 years old and she is asking me when she will be allowed to date. She has a nice group of friends that she spends time with, and while some of them are boys, I don’t know how I feel about her “dating” at her age. She says that I’m “old fashioned” and claims that I don’t understand that most girls her age are allowed to go out on dates. Am I being over-protective?

T.F. from Florida

Dear T.F.:

Having raised three children of my own, I empathize with your situation and remember well hearing from my own children, “but everyone is doing it…” The truth is that dating is a complicated and difficult issue for parents of teenagers. As a parent, you are concerned about the physical and emotional well-being of your children. Yet, adolescence is a time in life when children will naturally begin to seek autonomy and freedom. What is important for a parent to remember is that you want to rear responsibly independent teenagers. Dating can be a wonderful experience for teenagers if there is support and guidance from parents. Parents that practice healthy communication with their teenagers will find that discussing issues such as dating, sex, and love can be times for growth and strengthening in the parent-child relationship.

When a teenage son or daughter broaches the subject of dating with a parent, it is important to set down guidelines and expectations together. Some parents feel more comfortable allowing younger teenagers to attend “group dates” before “one-on-one” or “car dates.” Group dates allow teenagers to socialize and give them the freedom to spend time with peers of both genders. Teenagers naturally want privacy, so it is important to give them space while still being aware of where and with whom they go. I encourage parents to get to know the friends of their teenagers in order to feel more comfortable and to be involved in their teens’ lives. Parents should openly talk with their teenagers about the dangers of drugs and alcohol and discuss the consequences of sexual activity including sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy.

Ultimately, it is the parent who decides when it is the appropriate time for a teenager to begin dating. Having open communication and setting boundaries are good strategies to help parents raise confident and healthy teenagers experiencing the rite of passage that is “dating.”

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright © 2005