Many couples who are preparing to tie the knot often spend hours and a great deal of money on preparations for marriage. Sometimes the wedding plans don’t include discussing the things that will truly make a difference after the marriage. As a consequence, many relationships are built upon somewhat shaky foundations.
Let me offer a few suggestions for newlyweds that may help as the reality of sharing, caring, and the need for compromise begins to set in:
Avoid depending upon your new spouse for your happiness. Don’t expect your partner to carry all of your emotional baggage. Managing your own negative emotions is essential to the well-being of the marriage.
Avoid the trap of assuming that you know what your partner thinks, believes, and feels about situations that begin to arise in the marriage. Mind-reading and crystal ball gazing can lead to all sorts of problems. Don’t assume that you always know what he or she believes, thinks, or feels.
Try to listen more than you talk. When your spouse is talking don’t interrupt. Actively listen by making eye contact and avoid activities that will interrupt the conversation. Reading the newspaper, watching television or stirring something on the stove while someone is talking to you does not reflect much care or respect.
Examine carefully your own self-centered needs for power and control in the relationship. Treat your spouse like you would a best friend where regard for his or her feelings is given the highest consideration.
Retain the trust that is usually found in a new relationship by avoiding anything that will give your spouse a reason not to trust you. Honestly and integrity are two of the essential elements of any good relationship, especially in a marriage.
Express preferences rather than demands when asking your spouse for something. Additionally, be aware of the number of requests that you make upon your partner. Too many demands can begin to make the husband or wife begin to feel like a beast of burden.
These are just a few of the many things that newlyweds need to strive for to make their relationship healthy. I will return to more of these building blocks in future columns.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2003
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I’m an experienced Clinical Practitioner, Administrator, Professional Writer, and Lecturer.
