Blended families are unique and different in many ways from families where both biological parents are present in the family structure. These differences often present unique challenges for the whole family, necessitating adjustment in communication patterns and relationships that are not found in non blended families.
Following are some of the reasons that blended families are different:
• Rituals, rules, and traditions that may have existed in the family prior to the time of blending are often different than those in the blended family and conflict may arise as a result of these differences. This is especially true when the differences are great and the children and parents in the blended family have had years of exposure to one set of values and ideals. A classic example is when a step parent views disciplinary procedures in a framework quite different from the child’s biological parent.
• The dynamics including all the rituals, rules and behavioral patterns in a biological family develops over time with gradual changes as the normal consequence. In blended families, however, the dynamics may shift suddenly causing the potential for stress and strain within the blended family structure.
• In blended families, children have the necessity of learning new communication and relationship patterns with both parents and siblings. New rules often emerge within a blended family such as a child being shifted from being the youngest or oldest to a different ordinal position in the family thus creating new challenges.
• Blended families often require “sharing” with the child being shuttled back and forth between families thus causing the potential for further confusion and disruption.
To improve relationships, here are some recommendations:
• Establish flexible boundaries. Children may need to move between two households. The successful blended family allows members to contact ex-spouses and ex-grandparents and visit in the biological parent’s home without creating questions of loyalty.
• Define roles within the blended family. The husband and wife should engage in continual discussions of their expectations and roles. Each child should have his own place in the family. Parents can aid in this role by recognizing the role the child held in the previous family, and then allowing adequate time for the child to feel comfortable and secure.
• Develop effective communication. Openly discuss differences in lifestyle and customs of the past, including points of sensitivity, such as a child’s possible fear that the current family may dissolve as did the previous family.
Blended families can be a strong viable family unit. Like any family, they require cooperation, trust and respect for all members.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2000
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