Caring For 86 Year Old Aunt May Be A Challenge
Dear Dr. LeCrone:
My 86-year old aunt is going to move in with my husband and me due to economic necessity. I have not been close to her over the years and don’t know much about her health or background. I need some guidance on effective communication and care for her and us when she moves into our home.
-A reader in Wisconsin
Dear Reader:
Many older adults experience cognitive, visual, hearing, speech and other challenges. Often, the senior can understand much of what is being said but has difficulty expressing her thoughts and needs. Family members need to look for the underlying meaning of the attempt at communication. Knowing the person’s background along with her physical and psychological history is important in providing care. When the senior is in pain, angry and upset, verbal patterns with the person may be affected. Facial expressions and other types of body language can help the family understand the person’s ability to express her needs.
Other suggestions that may be helpful include:
• Know the strengths and weaknesses of the older adult. Memory and hearing impairments may necessitate a different type of communication.
• Make good eye contact and speak clearly and slowly if necessary.
• Don’t assume that because the senior isn’t able to make some decisions that she can’t make any decisions.
• Don’t use “baby talk” or refer to the older adult in pejorative, derogatory or negative terms.
• Give the person a chance to express herself before interrupting her. She may need more time to verbalize her needs.
• Avoid personalizing any negative verbal comments made by the older adult. Disabilities and impairments may dictate cognitive abilities and therefore influence her verbal responses.
• If the older adult is angry and disturbed, try to find out what is bothering her before making assumptions about the cause of her discomfort.
• Make it clear to the aging individual what types of behaviors are acceptable and not acceptable. Explain this in detail and try to be certain that your message is understood.
• Remember that proper diet, sleep, exercises and stress management can provide the energy necessary to handle the stress of care-giving.
• Don’t “bottle up” your own frustration. Talk to family members and friends. Consider seeking professional counseling and join a support group for caregivers to help you deal with the stress.
• Finally, remember that hugging her, holding her hand and speaking kind words to her can be the most important care a senior can receive.
