Caring for an angry adult can be difficult
Last week I began a discussion of what some professionals in the field of aging call unsuccessful aging. Unsuccessful agers have been described as:
• Older adults who are prone not to assume responsibility for their lives.
• These same individuals do not attempt to be problem solvers and look to others for help most of the time.
• This same group tends to find fault with anyone they are unable to control with family members often being at the top of this list.
• These individuals tend to find fault in everyone but themselves are prone to criticism and blame and they make it difficult to do anything right for them.
• Negativity, pessimism and self absorption dictate their perspective and outlook on life.
• They frequently claim that they are being victimized and abused unless the care offered to them meets their specification.
• Finally, unsuccessful agers not only can’t seem to adapt, but don’t even want to make the effort to do so.
In my hypothetical scenario last week, I presented the case of an adult daughter attempting to provide care for her aging mother. This stress on the daughter as well as her husband and children was producing a great deal of tension, causing problems in communication between husband and wife and parents and children and threatening the fabric holding the family together.
Today I would like to present some suggestions that can be helpful for those attempting to deal with unsuccessful agers:
• Know the strengths and weaknesses of the person needing care. For example, memory and hearing impairments may necessitate a different type of communication with the older person. The care giver may need to talk more slowly, face the person needing assistance (many hearing impaired individuals lip read), and keep communication simple and direct.
• Give the resident a chance to express themselves before interrupting them. They may need more time to verbalize their needs.
• Avoid personalizing the negative verbal comments coming from the unsuccessful ager. Their handicaps, disabilities, and impairments may dictate their cognitive abilities and therefore influence their verbal responses.
• If the person needing care is angry, frustrated and disturbed try to find out what is bothering them before assuming that you know what may be causing their discomfort.
• Make it clear to the aging individual what types of behaviors are acceptable and what is not acceptable. Explain this in detail and try to be certain that your message is understood.
• Take care of yourself. Practice good health and stress management techniques. Proper diet, sleep, exercise and relaxation can provide the emotional and physical energy necessary to handle caregiver stress more effectively.
• Don’t “bottle up” your own frustration. Talk to family members, friends or consider seeking professional counseling to help you deal with the stress.
I’ll return to this important topic again in the future with other suggestions for dealing with unsuccessful agers.
