Children need support to deal with bullies

In last week’s column I began a discussion of bullies including signs of being bullied and characteristics of bullies and their victims. In this week’s column I would like to discuss things that parents can do to help the victims of bullying.

An important point to remember is that often, bullying occurs without the knowledge of parents and that many victims are very reluctant to tell adults about their problems with bullying. They may have been threatened and intimidated into silence by the bully.

If you are the parents of a child who is being bullied you may want to consider the following approaches to help your child:

• If you suspect that your child is the victim of bullying ask them directly. Then, listen and encourage your child to talk about his/her feelings. Take your child’s complaints seriously as you may uncover more serious grievances or perhaps stop the problem from becoming more serious if the bullying is in the early stages.

• If the bullying is occurring at school, alert the school immediately and ask them to make sure your child is safe. If there is bullying taking place outside of school, arrange for interventions to stop this negative activity immediately. Working with other parents in the neighborhood, setting up supervision in a playground area where bullying may be taking place, finding out more about the company your child is keeping, etc. can all be a value in the intervention process.

• Help develop your child’s social skills and confidence in the context of a positive social group. Teach your child how to say “NO” to another child’s unacceptable demands and then turn around and walk off. Demonstrate assertive versus submissive responses through demonstration with your child. Do not encourage physical retaliation as this may escalate the situation further and can produce disasters and harmful results. Remember, not all provocative behavior must be acknowledged and simply turning away from the bully is often sufficient to stop the undesirable behavior.

If your child is the victim of a bully, consider professional assistance if the problems persist. Victims of bullies suffer in many ways including becoming the perpetrators of violence in an attempt to deal with their pent up rage and hostility as a result of having been bullied over time.

Awareness and involvement on the parts of parents with regard to bully-victim problems is essential in changing this very undesirable set of behaviors.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1999