Keys to recognizing bullies, victims
Bullying has been identified as a significant part of the problem in many of the school violence incidents around the country. The bullied individual often develops a pattern of anger, resentment and rage which may lead to an explosive acting out of this pent up anger.
Signs of being bullied may include:
• Cuts, bruises, torn clothing.
• Headaches and/or stomach pains before its time to go to school. Reluctance to go to school.
• Decline in grades and/or interest in school.
• Always “losing” money, school supplies or personal items.
• Expressed interest in being with teachers and other adults at school rather than other students.
Studies have indicated that between 10 and 15 percent of the students in any given setting can be categorized as exhibiting bullying behavior. Male bullies are likely to act out their bullying behavior in physical ways such as pushing, tripping, hitting and etc., extortion or stealing of money and possessions. Females often bully in a verbal manner. Name calling, manipulating relationships in order to exclude the victim, and other indirect means of hurting their victims.
Bullies tend to have some of the following characteristics in common:
• They tend to lack empathy for those they victimize. They are very absorbed with issues that they feel will give them power and control over others.
• Bullies often come from homes where there’s little or no supervision, with parents who are extremely tolerant and permissive or physically aggressive or abusive themselves.
• Bullies often show little or no remorse for their actions, lack of compassion and detest boundaries and limitations imposed upon them by anyone in a position of authority. They also avoid accountability and lie if it serves their purpose.
• Bullies often become aggressive adults and have significant problems in establishing and maintaining healthy relationships later in life.
Some of the characteristics of victims include:
• Passivity, shyness or loners. Victims may cry easily, feel that they lack skills to be appropriately assertive and don’t do well dodging conflict with verbal tactics such as humor. A smaller percent of victims tend to be “provocative victims” – children who are often somewhat impulsive, easily aroused emotionally and may taunt and tease the bully into action.
• Victims of bullying are understandably unhappy and often suffer from fear, anxiety, and low self-esteem as a result of being bullied. They may develop an aversion to situations where bullies are found such as school.
In next weeks column I will continue this discussion of bullies.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1999
