Comments can erode a child’s confidence
Winning the golf tournament had been a peak experience for the young woman. For three consecutive days she had focused on the things needed to win and was now emotionally drained. She had won several tournaments in the past but considered this to be a much more competitive situation and was terribly excited about sharing the whole experience with her parents. They were both sitting in the den when her coach dropped her off at home and almost in unison, her mother and father said to her “Did you win”? Her affirmative response quickly drew the question from her father “by how many strokes?” The girl’s mother looked disapprovingly at her husband and stated “I’m happy if you won, even by one stroke”. The conversation continued and to an outside observer it would have been very obvious that although the girl’s father was happy, he was focusing his dialogue on any areas of less than perfect performance by his daughter. Since she admired her father and was very dependent on his approval, she began examining the few less than perfect aspects of her three day ordeal and the end result was that she begin thinking that she could have done much better. This led her to start thinking she had not done her best which resulted in her concluding that her win was probably a fluke. Her triumph was now eroded by feelings of self depreciation, self doubt and negative appraisal.
The end of winter signals the beginning of a lot of competitive athletic events for children such as baseball, softball, soccer, tennis, golf, and swimming, to name a few. Fantastic opportunities exist for children to exercise, meet and make friends, learn teamwork, gain confidence in themselves, learn how to be good winners and good losers, learn to follow directions and, perhaps, most important of all, have fun.
Good equipment is certainly a necessary component of any successful sporting endeavor and good coaching is also a very important part of the child’s experience in athletics. After stating these facts, let me say, however, what many parents, educators, mental health professionals and coaches already know. The most crucial component of how most children view the outcome of their athletic endeavors is the response their parents make to these events.
Competition can be a wonderful experience for children. However, when the competition is viewed too seriously by the parents and derogatory feedback results, the athletic event can have an unhealthy effect on the self-esteem and attitude of the child towards future competitive events.
Parents need to carefully monitor their reactions and responses to assure that the purpose of the game is for their children to have fun and build character.
The purpose is not to teach the children that losing a game makes them losers in all facets of life.
Positive regard and unconditional love comes from careful parental nurturing and guidance that will help children succeed in life and develop healthy attitudes.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2001
