Self-esteem is good to give a child

My 7-year-old daughter, who is in the second grade, came home recently with an assignment to prepare an oral book report to deliver in class.

She had chosen a book from the school library depicting the story of a Siamese cat named Henry who had learned to walk on his hind legs. Henry’s master, a young boy, had decided that since Henry could walk on his hind legs he would teach him to snow ski.

The boy made a small pair of wooden skis and ski poles and began trying to teach Henry to ski. The story wove an adventuresome tale of how Henry was left by the boy and his father at their cabin high in the snow-covered mountains. Deciding that the only way he could get down the mountain to join them was to ski, off he went.

My daughter, Noelle, and her two older brothers have a pet Siamese cat, so the story took on a personal note with much discussion about whether our cat could learn to ski. Noelle outlined the book for the oral report and expressed some concern and even fear about getting up in front of the class and trying to give the report.

Her attempts to use the outline became more and more frustrating. I was afraid she might experience unpleasant memories of this experience and I knew that wouldn’t help her level of confidence in the future.

I remembered my earliest attempts at public speaking and the butterflies, sweaty palms and dry mouth that can accompany the stress of performing before a group, and which can lead to a fear of speaking in public if some successful experiences are not encountered early, especially for a young child. I certainly felt her teachers and classmates would be very supportive and non-judgmental. But the shy, somewhat timid side of my young daughter needed some bolstering.

My wife and I decided that if she had a visual display of some part of the story she might use it as a prop, so to speak, to assist her in her performance. And then we found a ceramic Siamese cat among her toys. She cut out two cardboard skis and affixed the cat on them, mounted them on a white styrofoam base and glued small puffs of cotton to represent the mounds of snow on a winter landscape. A few evergreen trees cut from green construction paper also were glued to the base. She now had a visual representation of the main theme literally within her grasp. And off she went to school.

I thought about her several times during the day, wondering how she did with this very important project. Most of us can remember feelings produced by the outcome of school events, some with exhilaration and self-fulfillment, some with despair and unhappiness. When I got home and saw the look in her eyes I knew she had had a successful experience. Her positive report about the reception she received from her teacher and classmates, plus the statement that her teacher had decided to take the book home and read it because it sounded so interesting, let me know that my wife and I had accomplished what we had set out to do.

Next to the religious education and love we give our children, I feel that the gift of self-confidence is the most important legacy our children can receive from us as parents. We are constantly looking for ways to instill a positive outlook on life and to help our children interpret events to produce healthy self-esteem. It takes a lot of effort and some times endurance, but is rewarding to both child and parent.

A healthy self-concept once obtained is not likely to be completely lost, even when things do not go well.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1987