Competitive Games Should Also Be Fun

The clock showed only one minute to play and the team my daughter played for was behind by 15 points. The likelihood of their catching up was remote.

But from the looks on their faces being behind was not a concern. They smiled, laughed and seemed to be enjoying themselves very much.

As I scanned the faces of the parents of the children on both teams I noticed that they, too, seemed to be enjoying the game.

When a child on either team scored a point, many of the parents clapped and shouted their approval.

Both coaches offered encouraging remarks to their players, abstaining from negative ones.

When the game ended, a round of congratulations took place between the players. Leaving the gymnasium, my daughter said she had met some players from the other team and liked playing with them very much.

Driving home I thought of many times I had left the playing field with feelings of concern about competition.

My two oldest children, both sons who are now adults, participated in many competitive activities. Among them were soccer, basketball and tennis.

My wife and I attended most of the games. There were times when I was somewhat upset and even angered due to the behavior of both coaches and parents.

Let me hasten to add that I, too, became caught up in the emotional whirlwind that seemed to escalate. The shouting, screaming, and facial gestures of spectators and coaches often conveyed displeasure with the performance of these children. Although opponents, they were still children.

After the games it was not uncommon for children to leave the field crying.

With heads sadly staring at the ground, tight-lipped and scowling, parents and coaches at times had to be almost forcibly restrained from acting out their frustrations and unhappiness.

My sons talked about dropping out of the game because they had made mistakes. Although my wife and I assured them that we approved of their performance and admired their effort, we often felt we had not made our point, the point that they were learners in sports and that competition produces good winners and good losers.

Competition can be a wonderful experience for children, providing them with valuable lessons in team work, sharing and following directions.

When the competition becomes too serious and punitive feedback results, however, the competition can have an unhealthy effect on the self-esteem and attitude of the child.

Parents, coaches, and other spectators need to carefully monitor their reactions and responses to assure that the purpose of the game is to have fun and build character.

The purpose is not to teach the children that nobody likes a loser.

Positive regard and unconditional love comes from careful nurturing and guidance that will help children achieve in life and develop healthy attitudes.

Copyright © 1992 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.