Dealing with Criticism

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

I seem to have very thin skin when it comes to criticism, especially in my job. Please suggest ways that I can handle negative feedback.

-A reader in Massachusetts

Dear Reader:

Criticism is sometimes a global statement offered by someone for the purpose of directing attention to some specific area of your life or behavior patterns. The receiver should try to avoid focusing on the entire comment, and, instead, look for any "nugget of truth." Then, let it direct attention to specific points of concern.

When the criticism is given in very general, non-specific terms, it may be helpful to ask people to be more specific, to give examples which illustrate what they mean, and then to back up their comments with direct observations.

Sometimes criticism has another agenda, that of initiating argument and debate. If this seems to be the case, question the criticizer about his agenda by asking him if he wants a debate or simply a passive response from you. Some people throw out verbal barbs in an attempt to engage in a verbal duel that has no focus on criticism.

Furthermore, criticism about one particular aspect of your behavior pattern does not imply that you are inept or incompetent in other areas. It is important to separate the specific point of reference from other areas of your life which are functioning well and are not in need of change.

Two important points to remember are that criticism is sometimes made at a time when a person is angry, hostile, or upset. At other times, it occurs when a person has been reminded of something in his own life which represents an area of weakness, inadequacy, or basic fear. Rather than admit this fact to himself, he often projects his fears or inadequacies on others in the form of derogatory remarks, sarcasm, or critical comments. If the receiver understands this motivation, he can see there is not a real basis for the criticism and depersonalize the negative remarks.

Criticism can be constructive and the basis for personal growth if the receiver will ask for specific suggestions and not focus on global issues. Then the criticism may generate positive specific actions that can be utilized to improve a situation in need of correction.

Hopefully these comments can help provide you with a basis for dealing more effectively with criticism and enable you to learn ways to improve your performance through valid critiques.

Copyright © 2006 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.