Dealing With The Loss Of A Child During Holidays
Dear Dr. LeCrone:
In December of last year, my brother and his wife lost their 7-year-old son in an automobile accident. The child lay in a coma for several weeks before dying, which further increased the feelings of trauma.
I believe that you wrote a column on this subject, and I feel that repeating it would help us and other people cope with the loss of a child during special holidays like Christmas.
-A reader in Louisiana
Dear Reader:
The following suggestions are from a past column for those suffering from the loss of a child during the holidays.
• Spend time talking about the special qualities and characteristics of the deceased child. Sharing memories with others can be a healthy part of the grieving process. Don’t be surprised if your sadness alternates with times of laughter and happy memories.
• Decide in advance how you want to spend the holiday season. Do you want to follow the traditions of years past or create new ones? Beginning new traditions may be helpful. Forget decorating this year or go to a vacation spot for the holidays. Perhaps visit a new place of worship and attend only those parties and other holiday events you want to.
• Do something to memorialize your loved one. Light a candle each night during the holidays, donate items to those in need or give a book to the library in the child’s memory.
• Recognize the importance of surviving siblings and try to make their holidays happy.
• Shakespeare once wrote “Give sorrow words…” Make a daily journal reflecting your feelings during the holidays. Write Christmas cards to friends and family with a short story or poem about your feelings. Speak to people in a support group about your journey through grief and loss.
Take special care of yourself, recognizing that grief can be very emotionally draining and stressful.
For many people, religious faith and spiritual guidance can be a great comfort during times of tragedy and, often, one’s faith is one of the most helpful foundations during the grieving process.
If you know someone who has recently experienced the loss of a loved one, especially a child, give him extra support and care this holiday season.
