Money worries shouldn’t be magnified
Last week I discussed how financial problems can adversely affect the sexual relationship in a marriage. I talked about factors leading to sexual problems when financial worries assume a prominent place for the couple.
Today I will talk about possible remedies for these problems and suggest ways couples can overcome the sexual problems that can result from financial distress.
• First and foremost, husband and wife need to make a commitment to keep financial issues in the proper perspective within the marital relationship. It is often difficult in our materially oriented culture to shift attention away from keeping up with the Joneses, making sure our children have “everything” they need and maintaining a lifestyle with which we can be comfortable and proud.
All these factors involve the problem of people relating who they are to what they have. These values are passed from one generation to the next and often become magnified along the way. Couples need to decrease concern over financial matters and increase their focus on broader and more important issues such as relationships, including sexual.
• The couple should set aside time to be together in a relaxed atmosphere, free from other distractions. When I hear a couple say this is impossible, I tell them they need to examine their priorities and commitment to the relationship and decide what they really want out of life.
Often an inexpensive weekend getaway for the couple, during which time they can discuss these priorities, brings some of the excitement back to the relationship and provides the commitment and stamina needed to proceed through difficult and stressful times.
• Couples should focus on triumphs rather than tragedies. During the day-to-day struggle with economic down turns, emphasize humor, refrain from statements of defeat and avoid preoccupation with stories depicting difficulties.
• Emotional factors such as anxiety and depression can negatively impact sexual interest and functioning. If worry, fear and preoccupation with economic difficulties have caused emotional dysfunction, then professional consultation may be needed.
• Resist a disproportionate emphasis on the sexual component of the marital relationship. Instead, recognize that some disruption in this area can occur. If the disruption does not persist for too long, it may not significantly affect the total relationship.
Other stress points in a marriage, such as illness, death and separations, can cause disruption in the sexual relationship without causing permanent or irreparable harm. The sexual part of marriage is certainly sensitive to stress, but most couples rebound from these difficulties with patience, understanding and solid support through other elements of the marriage.
Less stressful economic times can de-emphasize sexual difficulties and make these problems seem less apparent. Problems can emerge when economic difficulties arise. Couples should therefore strive for a healthy pattern of a sexual relationship and avoid a fragile and easily disturbed relationship that yields to pressure and becomes significantly dysfunctional during times of stress.
