Demeanor often hides individual’s true being

Many of us are guilty of forming opinions about other people based on first impressions and what we see and observe on the surface. We may let their mannerisms, appearance, verbalizations and demeanor cause us to draw conclusions that direct our future feeling and attitude about individuals. Let’s take several examples:

• Consider the individuals who appear to be aloof, cold and distant. The harder we try to relate to them, the more we are rebuffed. That’s the external picture. But individuals who give this appearance and attitude are frequently introverted and very shy. Their inability to relate to others makes them appear withdrawn and standoffish. However, given time and the proper circumstances they may shed this cloak of fear and reveal feelings of warmth and depth.

• Think also about the individuals who come across as giddy, superficial and even silly and they appear to take nothing seriously. Underneath that giddy surface, this individual may be suffering from anxiety, afraid to reveal genuine feelings for fear of rejections or failure. Can anyone relate to that?

• What about the person who seems to be arrogant, opinionated and overly aggressive? Taking the time to get to know this person frequently reveals that he is overcompensating for underlying feelings or inadequacy and insecurity. If he ever “lets down his guard,” he often reveals a need for friendship.

• Next, let’s consider the driven, results-oriented person who has an exceptionally high need for achievement. Getting to know this person may reveal someone who has a constant and exceptionally high need for recognition which they believe will only come from accomplishments they feel compelled to produce. Always striving to achieve some exclusive form of security, they never stop to smell the flowers.

The above situations are certainly more complex than space permits in this column and the reasons give for the characteristics of individuals described above do not always fit each personality type. But they should be enough to make you look at the person beneath the surface.

Copyright c 2002 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.