Depression in an Older Man

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

My brother is a 75 year old widower who is retired and lives by himself. He won’t admit that he is miserable and depressed to anyone but me. He tells his family doctor that he feels fine and puts on a brief smile when he goes for a check-up. He has no hobbies and sits in front of the T.V. or sleeps during the day. Then, when he can’t sleep well at night, he takes a lot of over the counter sleep medication that makes him groggy in the morning. I don’t know where to turn as I can see him declining both physically and mentally.
Concerned in Ohio

Dear Concerned: Your brother needs a professional assessment by someone trained in treating older adults. His apparent depression may stem from causes that relate to all of the things you mentioned in your e-mail to me.

Men often retire with little or no plans for their retirement years. Many of them have very little insight into just how much their self-concept and self-worth were connected primarily to their career. The needs of recognition, belonging, power and authority were all met through their chosen work. Their sense of who they are is so closely related to what they do that problems often develop after retirement when they lose that status.

Also, many men fail to develop a close relationship with anyone other than their spouses and families. Consequently, they often experience a terrible sense of loneliness after retirement. If their spouses die, they feel even more isolated.

After retirement, many individuals experience a decline in their physical capabilities due in large part to a more sedentary lifestyle. Many do not recognize the number of steps we take, stairs we climb, and the activity required in our workplaces. Muscle atrophy and loss of stamina occur when physical activity decreases.

Medication, counseling, and assistance in giving your father new coping skills to deal with issues of aging may help. Your father needs something to make life meaningful to him, to give him a reason to want to get up each morning and have some purpose in his life. Meaningful and fulfilling relationships, physical activity and mental challenges are all components of what your father needs at this point in his life.