Empty Nests Don't Have to Cause Loneliness

Dear Dr. LeCrone:

Our third and youngest child will be graduating from high school in a few months and plans to attend college in another state, which leaves us with an empty nest.

I chose to not work outside the home during the time our children were at home and didn’t develop many outside interests. My husband and I have been happily married but we have spent most of our time together involved with our children.

After my son leaves home, we are wondering if we are going to end up just sitting and staring at each other.

Could you please help me face this new challenge with some of your thoughts?

— Reader

Dear Reader:

Many people experience the empty nest syndrome when all their children have left home. Some make the adjustment to a new lifestyle easier than others.

Having a close family relationship to the exclusion of activities outside the family can make adjustment to a home without kids more difficult.

During the period of transition, you will probably experience some days when your life feels somewhat empty, and hopefully, many days when you feel there is the opportunity to experience a new and exciting chapter in your life.

Keep the new phase of life in the proper perspective. Psychologically healthy parents want their children to establish their own lives and, as their offspring walk away, feel proud that they can walk alone.

Plan to start activities that you have viewed as low priorities through the years. For example, begin volunteering more often; consider the possibility of expanding your education; take up new hobbies; or start a career outside the home.

Plan to spend more time with your spouse. Pick up where you left off before the children came along.

Begin new social relationships, travel together and learn to relax without having to worry about child care.

The passage of time will enable you to shift your perspective. Begin planning new activities before the day your child leaves home and the transition will be easier.

Share your feelings with someone who has been through the process. If things don’t improve, consider professional counseling.

Try to think positively. There can be a lot of new opportunities for both you and your marriage after your children leave home.

Here is to new experiences that produce health and happiness.