Envious people need to take a good look inside

Envy is one of the deadly sins to which no one readily confesses and it is rare to find anyone completely free of envy. As the Danish proverb states, “If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill.”

It is when we find ourselves unable to bear the good fortune of our families, friends, or colleagues that we must realize envy has become a problem.

The author, Harold Coffin, states, “Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.”

Some authorities believe that rage is at the root of most envy and may stem from unhappy childhood experiences that are long forgotten and lay buried in the unconscious. The rage may be like waves eroding the self esteem and making it impossible for the person to tolerate another’s good fortune and success. Individuals who suffer from intense envy usually are dissatisfied with who and what they are. Since they can not perceive their actions as envy, they believe they are only critically evaluating another’s behavior.

Envious people often tear down another’s accomplishments by belittling or sometimes subtly uttering well-aimed negative comments. Have you ever gone to a person to share the news about your promotion, or to show them a new car you have just purchased, or to even tell them something positive about your child’s accomplishment? The look of ambivalence you received lets you know you hit an “envy nerve.”

Often it is a relative who seems to be the most envious and this person can drive families apart. An envious person often begrudges another’s good fortune because he feels the good fortune should have been his. Life has dealt him a cruel hand, and he has become bitter, angry and unhappy.

Individuals attempting to deal with problems of jealousy and envy should strive for critical and realistic evaluation of their own capabilities, both positive and negative. After making the evaluation, they should then give thanks for their strengths and recognize that it is usually impossible to possess everything in life that is valued.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2002