Evaluating daily worries can help you gain control

Most of us have known people with such an overly optimistic outlook on life that they don’t see trouble coming. They aren’t concerned about a rainy day because they don’t ever see such a possible future for themselves.

Then there are people who worry about almost everything. They think, “What if I fail?” and “How can I possibly cope with the future?”

A third approach is for people to try to determine which events and circumstances are within their control and which are beyond their control.

If we can change potentially negative things we develop a plan, a way to minimize the negative effects. If the issue is totally out of our control, we cut our losses and move on to something else.

For example, a young couple had just had their first child. They estimated that their savings and his income would be sufficient to last them until the mother could return to work. Circumstances changed, however. The baby had unexpected medical expenses and their rent increased. They began to dwell on the possibility of running out of money before she could return to work.

A friend helped them consolidate their expenses and find a less expensive place to live. She also helped them understand that further worrying would only produce more stress in their lives.

Another example is a man whose doctor told him that worry was contributing to his health problems. He suggested to his patient that he block off some time each day to exercise, get away from work and enjoy himself.

The doctor also suggested that he chart his worries. He listed them under these categories, total control, limited control, and no control. Of the latter, he simply crossed these worries from the list.

Of the limited control, he analyzed the situation and determined what efforts would make some positive impact on his situation.

On the list of total control, he developed a plan of action and put most of his effort in this direction. By realizing that he was consciously working to change the situation, he relieved most of his stress and anxiety. He no longer felt that he was a total victim. Believing he could take action and gain control worked for him.

Finding a middle ground between absolutely no concern for the future and constant worry about what tomorrow might bring is one of the keys to good mental health.

Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 2002