Family, support groups can aid in grieving

Dealing with the loss of a spouse can be one of the most traumatic and stressful events in a person's life. For many, this loss occurs during a period in their lives when many other changes are occurring. For instance, their children are grown and have moved away from home; they have retired and in doing so have experienced change in routine, their financial status may be up or down, contacts with friends and acquaintances may have been curtailed or ceased, and their own health may be declining.

During this time of dramatic upheaval where physical, psychological, and even spiritual boundaries are challenged, accepting the fact that the grieving process will not be brief makes the whole process of grieving even more difficult.

In going through this period of mourning with many individuals over the years in my professional practice, I have found literature and research which reveals that a period of one year, two years, or even more is necessary to move through the grieving process. This tincture of time is one of the most essential elements in the healing process.

Having to reconstruct a daily pattern of life, especially during the early months of grieving, can be very difficult. Many individuals find themselves alone for the first time since early adulthood. The loneliness seems intolerable, and the vacuum created by death can only be understood by those who experience this loss. Women who have lost their mates are often overwhelmed and bewildered by activities that they have never had to take responsibility for in the past, such as mechanical repairs to their car or home and financial details that their husbands always took care of.

Following are some suggestions that those suffering from the loss of a spouse might find helpful during this often tragic and difficult time:

• Let family and friends nurture and support you. Additionally, professionals such as members of the clergy, the family doctor, or in some cases, mental health counselors, can be of assistance.

• Grief and loss support groups can be extremely helpful. Having the opportunity to process and share feelings with others experiencing similar difficulties as a result of loss can be of great assistance in the healing process.

• Don't rely on your children to pave the way for you during this transition. Most children will be supportive, but they will be proud of you and be grateful if you allow them to lead their lives while you begin to reconstruct yours. Only through pain can healing occur with time and love. But healing and adjustment can take place allowing the survivor to move on into the future.

Copyright c 1998 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D