As another one of my children graduates from high school and prepares to leave the nest, my wife and I again have begun discussing how it affects us and the only chick who remains in our next, my 9-year-old daughter.
My oldest son, Adam, left for college three years ago, and although he only went across town to Baylor University, we see him less frequently than some of our friends’ children who have gone to school in other Texas cities. At the time, we experienced the pangs of departure, but seemed to make the adjustment fairly well, as did he.
Although his absence from the next has made, for the most part, only subtle changes, the results are still apparent. For instance, the amount of food prepared at meal time is 20 percent less and the laundry has diminished by at least that much. The downside of his absence, besides the fact that we miss his presence, is that things are sometimes too quiet around the house, and there’s one less person around to take out the garbage. Obviously many other changes within the family have occurred, some not so subtle, since he left for college. And with our second child leaving, we expect still more to occur.
Most of our friends whose children have left home and moved away have told us there’s a lot to look forward to. They cite the increased freedom they feel without dependent children to nurture and care for. They can pick up and go wherever they want, whenever they want, outside of their working hours. Others mention the peace and solitude they cherish. Still others mention the increased spending money they enjoy if their children are no longer their economic responsibility.
Here are a few ideas that might help those of you either going through or expecting to go through the so-called “empty-nest syndrome.”
• Try to keep in mind the transitional qualities of this event. See it as an opportunity for our children to move forward in life, to reap the benefits of years of preparation. Their education plus your hard work have given them this opportunity and they can apply it to either more education, a job or other events as they move into adulthood.
• Prepare for this transition by seeing this as an opportunity for you to move into a new phase. Maybe this is an opportune time for you to go back to school, resume your education or start a new career. Some parents have been waiting to travel or to redecorate the house.
• It could be a time to devote more time to your spouse, to start new hobbies together, widen your circle of friends or become more involved in community activities.
• Make the transition less traumatic by giving it some thought during the years before the child’s actual departure. Don’t repress or deny your thoughts on the subject until your child actually leaves, only to suffer the blow of sudden change. Don’t be surprised if you feel “blue” occasionally. Talk to a friend who has made the transition and prepare to keep busy, especially right after they leave.
• Above all, anticipate the years ahead with pleasure. They should provide opportunities for growth and new relationships. Visualize a son-in-law or daughter-in-law, grandchildren and the chance to share adventures that are all part of the wonderful years ahead.
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