Getting Married Is Major Decision
Dear Dr. LeCrone:
I am in love with a man whom I have been seeing for the last two years, and he has asked me to marry him on several different occasions.
I feel that my decision-making-skills are usually good, but I can’t seem to make up my mind about whether I am ready for marriage at this time. I am very busy in my career, work long hours, including weekends, and this leaves me little time to really think about his proposal.
My family and friends are urging me to marry, as they fear that this man may not wait much longer for my decision. I am considering professional counseling to assist me and wonder if you have other suggestions.
-A reader in Texas
Dear reader:
Many of us arrive at points in our lives where major decisions are necessary but difficult. Letting other people decide for us or basing our decision on impulse enhances the possibility that we will not be satisfied with our decision later.
Try keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings. Write in the journal each day, letting your thoughts flow freely and unimpeded by outside distractions or opinions established by other people.
Several things can be accomplished by journaling thoughts and feelings over time. This method will crystallize and solidify these feelings and thoughts and present a record of how you have felt in the past. Many times if you examine the journal over several weeks or months, it will help you in making your decision.
Get away from your work for some long, uninterrupted weekends by yourself. Go to a location where you can spend time thinking. Take long walks, enjoy the sunset, and meditate or pray. Let your inner resources help you decide about your future.
Your consideration of counseling seems very important. A professionally trained individual can help you sort out the “pros and cons” of this relationship as well as decide your priorities. Counseling with your potential mate may also be helpful. Conjoint counseling can assist both of you and help you look objectively at the future of this relationship.
The fact that you are having a difficult time making a decision, especially if you generally don’t have too many problems making decisions, may be telling you something in and of itself. Are you ready for marital commitment at this time?
Hopefully, some of these suggestions will help you make this important decision.
